i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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