Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
