he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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