She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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