I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm passing your future prison.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize