I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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