So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
