so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
