I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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