we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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