My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
