Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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