I hate all girls vehemently.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
