well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
