just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize