I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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