Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
