Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
