I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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