Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
PANTIES FOUND
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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