put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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