And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
