thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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