she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Never underestimate the power of titties
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
