i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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