Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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