If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
