1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You can't special order awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
