im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
