I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
