I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
