She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
