put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
