get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am spending my child support on dildos
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
