I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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