go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
