It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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