If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
