my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize