She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Is it because I queefed?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
