Sry I called you an 8
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
