it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
