Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
