My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
