I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
