I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
