Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
