I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
