morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
