I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
