This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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