her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
