Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
