I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
