he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
