Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
