Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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