She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
