you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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