well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize