this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
