So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I party with great urgency now.
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