we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
