My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
