Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
