It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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