Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
