Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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