my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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