i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
