Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
