Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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