My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
