I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
