To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
