We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
