when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
