Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
