youre lurking in front of me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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