someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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