tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
