A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
