First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
