I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
