I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize