i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
