my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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