i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
