It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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