She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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