omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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