Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
