Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Dear god my vagina.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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