So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
