Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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