i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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