im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
