my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
