Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
