i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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