Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize