No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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