Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
