were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
