we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
