You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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