It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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