I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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