my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize