you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
