Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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